it's been a while.

Judging by my blogroll over here to the right, I am not the only person who hasn't blogged in MONTHS. I don't know why I stopped back in October, I generally like chatting about nothing via the world wide web and I really have no idea if peeps read this but it serves as a journal for our sweet family. I just read posts from 2013 that made me smile and were the reminders of everyday, mundane to most, joy that fills my life. My days are a blur lately as time seems to go a little faster each and every day. I don't want to forget the moments but I know that if I don't write them down somewhere, most will be fleeting. Sadly.

Recently, I have come to follow Jacqui of Baby Boy Bakery blog. She recently lost her 3 1/2 year old son tragically...I don't want to get into the details but basically it has served as a huge wake up call for me. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Jack with all my heart. Every single little piece of him...I really do. I know that I need to treasure every second with him but head knowledge and heart knowledge don't always align in my world. I can't stop thinking about Jacqui, her son Ryan, and her husband. Reading about her story and looking through her instagram scrolls of her little boy breaks my heart into a million pieces and I don't even personally know them. I truly can't imagine ever having to experience anything as painful as that but I know that this happens far too often. A parent losing a child... I can't imagine anything more heartbreaking.

With that said, I have a whole new perspective on midnight cries from Jack's room, waking up at 6am when my eyes are still glued shut and he is ready to party, poopy diapers, and every other challenging moment of parenting. Yes, they are still a challenge but I am grateful for the hard moments more than ever. So incredibly grateful to be able to hear Jack cry and whine and see him throw tantrums. Seriously, I am. And I'm even more grateful for all of the joyous moments he brings to our life. I don't ever want to take a single moment with him for granted. He is such a blessing to our little family. Matt and I continuously stare at him in awe of how amazing he is. He is funny, happy, brave, strong, sweet, sensitive, and adventurous.

I think Jack was only 14 months the last time I blogged. Now he is 21 months old. So cliche, but seriously, WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?! We are still loving life in our tiny city apartment with the four of us. Our days go something like this....wake up, cartoons, coffee, pancakes, park, nap, Ballard locks, cupcake shop, popsicle, Frozen, and then daddy comes home. I don't ever want to forget these days with my little sidekick. He is so fun right now. He is starting to talk A LOT and knows exactly what he wants at all times. You can find him snacking on goldfish ("wish"), cheese, and toast at any given moment and he'll eat any kind of fruit until the cows come home but refuses to touch a piece of meat. I guess he is a vegetarian. His favorite place to be is outside, he loves blowing bubbles, has one speed (FAST), and has a new found hobby of flying a kite (has yet to get it in the air but that's a minor detail). He adores "addy" (Daddy) and "ollie" (Raleigh). He wants to FaceTime his Dede (my mom) at least 12 times a day and also loves listening to Spotify. He opens the app and picks his own songs... for realsies. He is as independent as they come. He hates holding hands and doesn't want to be carried or put in the stroller EVER. He prefers to walk and figure out things on his own as they come. Some may say stubborn, I say strong willed! :)

We sure love our little boy more than words can say and are so lucky that he is OURS.

situational happiness

Do you ever find yourself thinking "if I just had {fill in blank}, I would be happier" or "if we were in this {fill in blank} situation, I would be happier"...?

Well, I for one, can admit that I think this way often and I was getting to a point to where I was completely exhausted from it. For those of you who don't know our living situation, we live within Seattle city limits in a neighborhood called Ballard. Ballard is a very eclectic, tucked away tiny pocket of Seattle lying on the banks of Puget Sound. The water is just outside our front door step along with many fun restaurants, boutique stores, and coffee shops galore. It is a very sought after neighborhood. Therefore, the cost of living is NOT cheap. In Charleston, Matt and I were living in a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house with a fenced in yard on a pretty decent sized piece of land for much less than what we pay now. And what we pay for now gets us approximately 1000 sqft, 2 bedrooms, and 1 bathroom (and loud neighbors). When we moved back to Seattle from Charleston, we decided to rent an apartment for one year in Seattle since we missed it so much. We had just spent 15 months in the suburbs and were ready for some city living again. Buuuut...the kicker is is that we returned to Seattle with a tiny human and a dog. It wasn't just the two of us anymore.

So, that brings me to today. Our lease ends in just one month and you wouldn't believe the amount of time we spend talking about what we are going to do next. We aren't ready to purchase a home for many reasons. Primarily, because we can't truly afford anything here yet. So, what's left? My list for the perfect living situation goes on and on...and on and on. My point being that I'm realizing I'm completely insatiable! So, I have been praying A LOT and my heart has been opened to the eye opening fact that I am beyond blessed in this tiny apartment that we live in. Someday, we will most likely be living in a house in Montana that we own with multiple munchkins running around. While this thought makes me extremely happy, I know that I will be standing in my kitchen that's four times the size of my current kitchen missing this tiny apartment. Once I stopped focusing on all of the things that I didn't have, I started appreciating the fact that we can walk 5 minutes down the street to about 40 different restaurants, we can take an after dinner walk to the OCEAN, we have large closets and bedrooms for an apartment, our dog is lazy and therefore, doesn't need a giant yard, and I feel safe beyond measure here...never having to go to sleep at night thinking about the possibility that someone can climb into my child's window and steal him. Yes...this is a real fear of mine. Sad to say.

Basically, all this to say that I think society so easily plants insatiable desires in our hearts and it just leaves us wanting more. My always content husband has challenged me to check out my heart condition in this instance. It's not about what I have and don't have, it's about my heart and thinking that material items or certain situations will cause me to be content. No, they won't. I could probably own a large home with a yard, fence, and bedrooms and bathrooms galore but then I would most likely just complain about the fact that I don't have a cleaning lady and someone to mow my lawn. Unless we lived in Montana, then I would definitely recruit our families to help with that. Fair warning, family.

So...today I am choosing to be grateful. I love my tiny apartment and it's safety and easy upkeep. I love Seattle and all that it brings to this season of our life. It's probably not forever so I am choosing to enjoy the beauty, enjoy the variety, and enjoy the rain. Yep, you heard me right. I will indulge in my coffee drinking, stretchy pants, and Hunter boots wearing days with my boy. I will enjoy just Jack and I in this place while daddy is at work. It won't be just us three forever and this is a special time.

God has blessed me with more than I could ever imagine. Our lives are so full. I would challenge you to think about what you are blessed with today! And pray for me in my insatiable-ness? {is that a word? :)}

motherhood is a calling...

In the past {almost} 12 months... Matt and I have grown to know life with a baby. It is not just the two of us anymore, doing what we want at the drop of a hat, but the three of us {4 including our RB} that are facing each of our days. While I am extremely blessed to mother our sweet boy and to be able to stay home with him throughout the work week, some days are extremely hard. If you know me, you know that I am was a very detailed, planned out person. I have an agenda throughout my days and am motivated to accomplish a bazillion things. Not necessarily big tasks but I am a detail person, so the small things are important to me too. Once I became a mama, I quickly realized that I was no longer on my own schedule. My boss is now a tiny human that can only tell me what to do with his cries. I soon came to know how incredibly selfish my heart really is as well as where my priorities lie...

I once read an article on the John Piper blog that was an extremely well written article telling parents to lay down their lives for their children. We are called to it, it is Biblical and a privilege. A privilege? Yes, a privilege. What I didn't realize is how apparent your sin becomes when your love is being demanded of 24 hours a day. I would like to think that I have loved Matt just like this too but if I don't "feel like" loving him well, he will be okay and move forward alone taking care of himself, so I am not always held accountable to this. When you have no choice but to love a baby because they NEED you and can't live without you, it becomes apparent that I am begrudgingly changing that 5th poopy diaper of the day, sitting on the floor to play blocks over and over while my house remains a disaster, and getting up at the crack of dawn when I go to bed way too late. It would be a lie to say that I do all these things willingly and with a joyous heart. A lot of the time, I do, but most definitely not every time.

And that's just the plain truth... We oftentimes look at social media and believe that every mother is Supermom except for ourselves. We can see into the "perfect" lives of others... And continually feel like a failure in our own lives. Mamas, do your friends a favor and don't clean up your house before they come over, admit to them that you haven't washed your hair in three days and that today's stretchy pants were also last night's pajamas, encourage new moms instead of telling them "oh you just wait", and don't measure your daily success by how much laundry you have done. 

Just love your children and husbands well. This is a season and soon enough, we will have time to take regular showers and our dishes will go back to being constantly done. Invest in what is most important and take a breath. 

With all of that said, Jack is the sweetest blessing I could ever ask for and I would not change a thing. I don't want to sound negative, just want to be real. Thank you to all of my sweet friends that have been so supportive of me as a mother... This last year has been incredible.

John Piper article: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-is-a-calling-and-where-your-children-rank

Seattle summer & our baby is almost 1!

Can I just tell you how much I love the sunshine of Seattle? I can't even remember the last day that we have seen rain, and when it has been here, it has been short lived. Thank you Jesus! Being outside with my boy is the best.

We unexpectedly have spent nearly the last two weeks in Montana. Despite the circumstances, it's always good to be "home". Montana is simply the best...no other way to put it. Friends, family, and the blue skies that go on forever. I love it.

In just three weeks, our sweet little babe is turning 1! How does this happen so quickly? He is the love of our lives and brings so much joy to our days.

11 months... not walking yet, but almost! takes a few more steps on his own everyday...says "mama", "dadda", "no, no, no, no", is becoming a pickier eater (slimy things make him gag, but he loves all things dairy and carbs just like his mama)...has had 2 haircuts (thanks Sarabeth!)...hates grass...loves his puppy RB...loves balls and crawling around with one in each hand...crawls around with blocks, etc. in his mouth...

kisses!

So Jack has learned to "kiss". I'm going to call it that because if it's not kissing, then I'm afraid I might have a cannibal on my hands. Just sayin...

lately...

It's officially spring in Seattle and while it is usually gloomy at this time of year, we have had a surprising amount of sunshine (thank goodness!). The cherry blossoms are in full bloom and Jack, Raleigh, and I have been walking Greenlake like it's our job. We live in such a beautiful place and when the sun is out, I can hardly get enough of it.

Jack turned 7 months on Saturday and is growing like a weed...both in width & height :). He sits up, rolls all around, and can "scoot" himself around the living room floor but has yet to crawl. We are in the process of pushing through those two bottom teeth so his toothless grin will soon be no more. I sound like a broken record, but parents aren't kidding when they say their kids grow up way too fast.

Some fun things that have happened since I wrote:

• Jack met his cousin, Luc (on the Abdallah side of Matt's family)
• Erin & Bennett stayed the night with us and Bennett took Jack to the park for his first swinging extravaganza.
• I went to Austin and left Jack for three nights which resulted in a horrible cold and ear infection. Worst weekend ever to be away! Grandma Julie and Matt took very good care of him though... (ok, this isn't a fun happening but Austin was!)

We have some visitors coming within these next weeks...my brother, the Haagensons, and Maria! Then, Jack and I will fly to South Dakota to visit my grandma for a week. I'm excited to show him my old stomping grounds...Storybook Land & Twist Cone. That's about it for all of the excitement in Aberdeen!

Luc entertaining Jack. Such a cute little munchkin!

Bath time has become super fun in the last few months. Look how long this hair is!

At our ped's office. Jack loves him some mirror time... such a narcissist.

My little brother, Joey, on the left. Jack on the right. Look alike?

RB loves her some Baby J!

Shopping is so much more fun in the front seat!

After naptime. Dad calls this his sleep vest and I often hear him saying "Wow, pal, what a nice vest you have!" I don't know why he thinks sleepsacks are hilarious? Men...

eating, rolling, & mama's leavin!

Our sweet little nugget is almost SIX months. As always...where does the time go?! Halfway to a year? whaaaaat? I realized yesterday that Jack has lived in Seattle for as long as he had lived in Charleston. Crazy talk. Once the holidays were over, we finally had a chance to just relax and settle into our apartment. I'm quickly realizing how challenging it is to have a baby, a dog, and two grown adults in a tiny apartment but not trying to wish this time away as it is also nice and easy to keep clean :) Jack hasn't reached too many "milestones" quite yet unless massive weight gain counts as a milestone. I used to think that I would be anxious for him to crawl or be mobile but as I look around at my non-babyproofed house, I find myself wishing differently. He can now roll over like a champ, has started eating solid foods other than oatmeal (and LOVES them), and talks and talks. He must get that from his dad because no one else runs their mouth in this house... oh wait...

Jack's favorite things at 5.5 months include: smiling, laughing (watch below), rolling, chewing on everything, drooling, watching RB and pulling on her ears when she gets close enough, watching Sesame Street while mommy drinks coffee each morning, and jumping in his bouncer (also watch below...although this was slightly after he turned 4 months when he couldn't touch the ground quite yet :)).

Our nights are...well...not restful these days. I always bragged about Jack being the best sleeper. Foot.In.Mouth. He has been regressing and thinks that waking up approximately every two hours is super fun for the past week or so. Teething? Separation Anxiety? Overtired? WHO KNOWS but it's not funny to his mama or daddy. Lots of coffee being brewed in this house as of lately. Any of you mamas out there have this problem at this age?

As for other news, I will be leaving this sweet baby for the first time next Friday. I'm meeting my friend, Brianne, in Austin, Texas for a photography workshop. I have a mixture of emotions about this. Excitement, dread, nervousness, sadness....sensing a pattern? I know it will be fine. Grandma Jules is coming to stay with Matt for the weekend and Jack will be in the best of hands but I just might be an emotional wreck. I should probably just apologize in advance to all of the other workshop attendees for my inability to talk or think about anything other than my child. Not to mention, my frozen breastmilk will be floating amongst the food in the fridge in the beautiful, Texan home we'll all be sharing. Good times! :)

Well, that's all that's new in the life of this Waller family! Just enjoying the Seattle sunshine rain and looking forward to spring and summer!